My Trip To Ikea

And with blog changes comes new tools. I wanna show you my old setup here:

Ghetto innovation

A short nightstand ( 16″ X 14″ X 29″) could only hold the desktop (barely-it was creepin’ on the edge) , my monitor and my tablet just barely.

My keyboard rested on my bed underneath my pillow. My bed doubled for a chair.

I held my dad to his promise to buy me a proper computer desk. I had to wait an infuriating 2yrs as papi is but a slow turtle. My papi (dad) is so super ghetto that he tried to coax me into allowing him to substitute two short file cabinets with a piece of plywood atop. Nope, papi is always serious about his cantankerous contraptions; The Professor on Gilligan’s Island he is not!!

But I wouldn’t budge because I kept lording it over him that I specifically asked him and my mami NOT to throw out the perfectly terrific computer desk we used to have. They did toss it. For no reason whatsoever. To make room? And yet, crap like empty juice bottles, plywood, empty gift baskets remain…?! (psst, you have a hoarding problem)

So off to Ikea me and papi went. Because I’ve been shopping at Ikea since college when I was a broke ass fool. Because I needed a decent place to work on with a starving artist budget. Because their products are well made for the consumer prices.

The Ikea Experience – Fun In The Store

We went here. It's a huge store inside and out.

I just LOVE-love-love-love going to Ikea! It’s like a playground of happy-good design.

And of course, whenever I express glee, papi uses that instance to squash it with complaints. Papi complained it was too far (anything 30min. driving translates to old people as ‘too far’), and when we get there, he complains about getting lost in there cuz it’s too big.  For that I must agree; for a 1st-time visit you can get lost, it’s kinda like being inside a casino…very few windows. Once we found what were looking for papi simmered down, especially after showing him the cheap-ass prices on everything. My ghetto papi was finally coming around to the infamous Swedish design.

When I studied design in college, a professor told me this story: the founder of Ikea realized he could go to door manufacturers to get his tabletops made ridiculously cheaper than with furniture manufacturers. Once of the ways the dude cut costs and increased his profit margin. Ingenious.

Broke-ass necessity really is the mother of invention! (gotta luv it♥)

A simple laminate-wood computer desk with slide-out keyboard holder valued @ $34.95 + tax. Perfect price for a broke-ass SuperMunk. 😉

But I hadn’t shopped there so long I forgot how to um, check out. I asked some chick working there and she had the craziest laryngitis, poor thing, that I couldn’t believe they made her work in that condition! I couldn’t even hear what she told me so I had to ask someone else.

Basically there are these tags on the furniture. You take down the name of the furniture, the item# and the aisle number and corresponding letter. The aisles are downstairs right before reaching the registers. They look like warehouse stock. You just find the given aisle and pluck off their shelves the packaged furniture and load it onto mini-dollycarts located everywhere inside the store.

Oh, and instead of hauling that shit all the way to your car or wherever the hell you parked, Ikea has a whole wing right out the doors kinda like a loading/ unloading dock for all your things. You just bring the car around and start loading right there. Saved us the hassle, lemme tell ya!

For those of you who don’t know: Ikea also has an upstairs indoor restaurant serving Swedish food (super recommend the Swedish meatballs-yummers!) and an adult-supervised play area for kids (they can swim inside those balls for hours while you shop liberally and whiny-kid-free). Also, they have many vending machines, little Swedish fast-food area downstairs and adjacent Swedish food shop. Some locations even serve free breakfast before the store itself opens (like Charlotte).

BTW, I HIGHLY recommend the Daim red chocolate bags they sell there. Bought one; snorted it in like 4 days. Ikea freakin’ rules!

The Ikea Experience – Assembling An Ikea Desk

Assembling is the fun part! When you assemble Ikea furniture, you generally go YAY! The beauty lies in it’s simplicity. You see, Ikea assembling instructions are just pictures. So any idiot can understand them.

My tiny asphyxiating jail cell-bedroom

It’s agonizing to slide furniture around on a carpeted floor.  >:-Ð

Below you can see the a bigger shot of the desk box:

Desk is the length of my hip height

Ikea packs their furniture with foam dividers and carefully wrapped table tops in newsprint sheets, as you can plainly see. This is a big plus in my book! Years ago I worked at a fancy-schmancy furniture shop in New York City and one of their suppliers who sold $3,000 sofas, would ship their furniture out without any kind of padding, and saw lots of web complaints by angry customers over scratched furniture-no refunds! Whoops!):

Furniture adequately protected in packaging

After taking the pieces out, I laid them out as you can see:

This is what the total packaging looks like, complete with newsprint instructions:

Ikea packaging

And the hardware sits at the bottom of the box.

Surprise at bottom of box

I fished it out and here’s all the hardware it contained. All I need to put it together was a rubber mallet (a hammer would scratch the table surface) and a phillips screwdriver. Assembly was easy-peasy!

Desk hardware

Plastic pegs, wooden pegs, screws and a hex key

Here I am under the desk assembling the keyboard holder brackets.

Had to shine a flashlight in there!

Desk assembly finished. And yes, that’s a collapsible closet on the right shrinking down the volume of my jail cell room.

Ikea desk finished and ready for use

And, with all the computer crap on it:

SuperMunk's new computer setup

That right there is a $20 task chair I picked up from Target, which was actually cheaper than any Ikea chair and the store was right next door to it. All in all, the entire assembly for both desk and chair took only 90 minutes. For me it was 120 min. because I had to vacuum the dust bunnies (and Milkbone crumbs) and slide furniture around beforehand. Seriously, the instructions are made so easy even a syphylitic half-blind retarded monkey could put it together themselves. It’s all pictures, people! And goes to show that you don’t have to settle for crack-ass walmarrrrrrrrt (I rrroll my R’s) sheeat or any of that Chinese crap that’ll break as soon as you buy. To my experience, Ikea furniture lasts as much as 3-6yrs no problem with good care. Just cuz you’re low on ca$h doesn’t mean you have to settle for less and live like a crazy hillbilly- remember that. Frugal SuperMunk, over and out.

BTW, Ikea fans rejoice! Learn all about Ikea here> The Unofficial Ikea Web Journal

And for frugal parents out there, this site has good deals/ tips/ links> Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me That?


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